We had a good chat this evening about children's responses to losing a loved one.  Parents gave examples of how long it can take a child to process what has happened and how they may not express their feelings until years after an event sometimes.  When a child had had an experience of losing a pet this prepared them a little about the idea of dying.  There are a number of very good resources available on the topic.  These need to be tailored to individual children:

www.childhoodbereavement.ie  is website for professionals and families who are caring for children who are bereaved.
Coping with death, for children aged 6 - 12 years old: A colourful illustrated booklet for children published by Barnardos.
A sample of a social story with pictures to explain about death and grief for children.
Death, Bereavement and Autism Spectrum Disorders:  Information from the UK National Autistic Society
Death: Helping Children Understand:  A booklet from Barnardos Children's Organisation
Leaflets from Console, the national suicide charity.
A booklet to support young adults understanding of death and funerals.
Grieving for the loss of your pet.  A leaflet on how to help yourself.
Talking to children about a traumatic death.  A leaflet on how to break the news and provide ongoing support.
A detailed guide about supporting a person with an intellectual disability to come to terms with loss.

In March we discussed the topic of communication and ways to help children to understand their daily messages, as well as ways to encourage them to get their messages across.

The group shared strategies that have been found useful to aid comprehension day to day (visual supports, pictures, facial expression, gesture, objects, social stories etc.) and thought about the importance of the factors that might get in the way of our understanding e.g. distractions in the environment, overload of information etc.  We talked about encouraging children to get their message across by using supports such as a choices between two pictures, encouraging key words, sign, technology etc.

Eithne and Gemma (Speech and Language Therapists who facilitated the group) were also happy to learn from parents about successful ways that parents have supported communication and would like to express thanks to parents for sharing their valuable experiences.  Everyone enjoyed the buns!    

Click here to download the slides relevant to the session, they have been updated to included what was learned on the day:   Supporting Everyday Communication

Unfortunately the long awaited Dad's night fell victim to snow in Roscommon.  If there is sufficient interest we will run it again, let us know!  

Parents said that from today's session it was most memorable "to see the importance of routines", "get ideas and feedback from other parents"; "to have the support of eachother, you feel relaxed talking in the group" and "realising that I am not on my own." 

We looked at what works in setting up successful routines, the group identified the following main points:

1.  Making a big change to a routine takes time and energy.  To be able to follow through you have to make it high on your priority list, set a date for yourself to start and not have too many other things going on at the same time.

2.  Leave yourself plenty of time to complete the routine so you are not under time pressure, e.g. it might be worth getting up earlier in the morning. 

3.  Write down the steps that are involved in the routine, e.g. toilet, breakfast, brush teeth, uniform, bus.

4.  Make a visual support, with the steps explained by objects lined up in a row, pictures or photographs.

5. Think of how you will reward your child's successful participation in the routine.  Provide plenty of praise and encouragement.  A reward may be needed until your child gets into the habit of the new way of doing things.  

6. Show the visual support and talk about it with them.  Show your child you 'mean business', that you are serious that you want your child to follow the routine.

7.  Pick a day to start the routine that you feel confidant in yourself and your child is well.

8.  PERSIST!  It can take time for your child to get used to any changes.  You will need to be confident and consistent for it to work.    

Timers are useful when you are putting a routine into place.   The child can be rewarded when steps on the timer are completed within a certain time.

Samples of visual supports for routines

Our inaugural meeting this morning was attended by 10 parents, including 2 Dads, so we were delighted!
Verona McStay facilitated a lovely session on self-care and parents had the following to say:

"I enjoyed the group and learning from new things from each other"
"I liked the mix of getting information and sharing and the mindfulness at the end, looking forward to the next one"
"I will try to think on the positives, what went well, at the end of the day instead of focusing on what went wrong". 
"I plan to take up a hobby, like gardening".
"I really enjoyed this group session, it made me realise how important it is to have a little time out every day for myself".  

We talked a lot today about mindfulness, here is a link to lots more information: 
http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/mindfulness.htm

and this is where the meditation exercise came from: 
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Coming-Through-Depression-Approach-Recovery/dp/0717147800